Why I dance

Welcome to day 2 of  Whine & Cheese. For those of you know me well you know that these are my vices. I love to complain, drink wine, eat  cheese and make schmaltzy jokes. For those of you who don''t know me, the secret is out..
     What can I share with you that you havent' heard before? I haven't a clue. I don't know who is reading this or what you have experienced today.  However, I have  had a moment of clarity. An epiphany and , if you will indulge me, I will  reveal the moment. ..
     I dance. Sometimes I dance 4-5 times a week.  I escape the mild chaos that is my home, lace up my huaraches, grab the biggest bottle of water I can find, my favorite cd, and a towel---and I drive with my windows down, singing loudly and smiling at strangers until  I get to my class. My class has helped me rediscover myself.   While moving to the latin beats, I feel young again.   The turmoil of my life seems to fall off my shoulders like sweat and melt into the floor  to be  pounded into nothing by my dancing feet.

     During my day I can't help but think about the people who have let me down.  The ones I was raised to believe would always be there for me and hold me up when I really want to crawl away and hide. The last few years have been very difficult for me emotionally as well as physically.  The loss of  my best friend and father in law was a heavy blow. The loss of my sister and brother is challenging in another way. How strange to miss people who aren't gone.  The whole year- 2009-wrapped me in an ugly bubble of discontent and almost stole my smile and my hope.
     I won't even mention the people I spent the last five years of my life sharing time with.  That is an ache I am going to ignore for as long as possible. Except for one. She brought me to my first dance class. She was my dancing buddy for almost a year.She and I have known each other for a long time. I am so very tired of losing people who matter. I am exhausted holding onto petty grudges and the principles I espouse are hanging on by a thread. Tonight I shared a moment with someone who hurt me( Probably she didn't mean to, possibly I deserved it).My moment:  a simple greeting, a conversation and of course a hug.
     My epiphany happened as I drove away. I felt  as if a tiny crack in my heart was healed. Now I know that when I dance, my heartache disappears and I have peace. 

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Why am I blogging?

     To blog or not to blog has been the question in my head these last few months. Blogging seems like a wonderful way to share feelings and emotions . It seems like a fun way to keep in touch. It seems like a gesture of good faith, a way to share your life and truths with friends and strangers. Unless, like me, you are afraid of letting the true "you" shine. In that case, starting a blog is a terrifying venture.
    
     So the truth for me  is going to sometimes be ugly. Quite possibly, it won't be funny. It might even make you feel a little dirty.  I am tired of analyzing each word and gesture. I am exhausted from living in this vacuum of what people will think.   I would like to apologize before I even get started because I am really too tired to apologize after this.